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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After I finally get the machine working, I head out for a break. I stroll down the Hoofdstraat, and it’s buzzing. People everywhere, grabbing their morning coffee, chatting. I stop by this little café, De Zwarte Ruiter. Best coffee in town, no joke! I grab a cappuccino, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I’m feeling good, but then I see this guy drop his croissant. I can’t help but laugh. Like, dude, how do you drop a croissant?

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